From the author of the New York Times bestseller Adult Children of Alcoholics -- a wonderful book that affirms and encourages AcoAs by developing skills for living. Imagine how good you would feel if: You could stand up for yourself without losing your temper You could make a decision without second guessing yourself You didn't have that sense of worthlessness every time someone criticized you You could learn how to say no and stick with it In Lifeskills for Adult Children you can learn how to do these things and more. This book is designed specifically for Adult Children and teaches skills to make your complex adult life easier, while improving your sense of self-worth. Examples are provided to help clarify the lessons and exercises are given to help you practice your new skills. So, if you have difficulty: Asking for what you want Solving problems Handling criticism Saying no read Lifeskills for Adult Children - you'll be glad you did.

Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., is the founder and President of the Institute for Counseling and Training in West Caldwell, New Jersey, which specializes in working with dysfunctional families and individuals. She is the author of the bestselling Adult Children of Alcoholics and Struggle for Intimacy, as well as Marriage on the Rocks, Healing Your Sexual Self and The Self-Sabotage Syndrome: Adult Children in the Workplace. Alan Garner, M.A., is a nationally known relationship-skills trainer who lives in Laguna Hills, California. He is the author of A Search for Meaning, Conversationally Speaking, and the million-selling parent/ child manual It's OK to Say No to Drugs!

Chapter OneMaking Contact With Others I feel like I'm staring at a banquet. All around are people I'd like to meet, but I never seem to make contact. The distance between us, it may be just a few feet, but it feels like a million miles. Everyone else looks so comfortable and seems to have such an easy time making friends. If only I knew lust the right thing to say. TerriAdult children cringe at the idea of having to make small talk. Growing up in a dysfunctional family means that social skills were not adequately developed. Few people really enjoy small talk, but it is a necessary part of the socialization process. If you only have started to connect with others since you've been in recovery, you are learning to relate on the level of personal problems and pain. That is fine for identifying within the program and appropriate for a support group, but, the truth is, there is life beyond the programs. In the larger culture, and even with program people outside of meetings, personal problems and pain are best shared with people as intimacy grows. Getting to that level is a part of a process that begins with small talk and evolves from there. Small talk is the most non-threatening way that people can begin to know each other. People respond as much to tone and energy as to content. Rushing into personal things creates a sense of intimacy before it really exists. And, believe it or not, talking trivia can be fun. Making contact with others will be easier when you know a few simple truths and develop some skills. The first truth is that most people also feel uncomfortable when they are getting conversations going. They only look at ease, just as you probably do to them. Second, most people would like to have more friends in their lives, just as you would. Third, most people are pleased when someone approaches them, as it takes the pressure off them. This chapter will teach you skills that will help you do better in starting conversations, keeping your conversations going, and talking about yourself. Starting ConversationsThere is no need for you, like Terri, to search for "just the right thing to say." The truth is that dull, ordinary openers can work even better than clever openers. The main thing is to say something. When you say something, you've made contact, you've opened up the possibility of establishing a relationship, of making a friend. If others are interested, they will respond, and you can apply the skills in this book to use what they say to get a conversation going. There are basically three subjects you can talk about when you start a conversation: yourself, the other person, and the situation. Talking about the other person or the situation you are both in is far more likely to get the other person involved than only talking about yourself. Why!? Because others are much more interested in themselves and what they're doing than they are in you, especially when they don't even know you. When you look at the followin

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Excerpted from Lifeskills for Adult Children by Janet G. Woititz, Alan Garner
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